When sitting gets tough, does the tough keep sitting?

One of the intentions of mindfulness is to reduce suffering. But what if the more

you practice, the more you suffer?

For some mindfulness practitioners like myself, when I feel very overwhelmed with stress

and anxiety or sadness, being in a sitting practice may not be the most helpful option. When

I feel dysregulated, I become too aware of my thoughts and the bodily sensation which

come along with them and it can become too much to bear. One of the intentions of

mindfulness is to reduce suffering. But what if the more you practice the more you suffer?

Do we abandon the idea of meditation completely or do we keep on trying?

Before I go further, it is worth noting that not every overwhelmed or dysregulated feeling

during and after a practice, have a reason nor they are relating to any hidden trauma that

you are not aware of, no matter how big or small. However, if this dysregulation happens

more than a one off, and the frequency of this happening increases, you need to ask

yourself honestly, is this the best practice for me right now? A good mindfulness facilitator

will be happy to discuss with you further or sign post you for different options. But more

importantly though, if there are any underlying reasons or mental health issues, perhaps

seeking professional help is a more appropriate, wholesome choice.

So, in my case, after taking a break from formal sitting practice and turned to more

movement based practices, I was keen to reconnect with the mindful meditation, but I was

still unsure.

What I found helpful was the kind of attitude we may adapt when approaching situation like

this. David Treleaven PHD, the author of the acclaimed Trauma-Sensitive Mindfulness and

founder of the Trauma-Sensitive Mindfulness (TSM) Community said “Think of trauma as

injury and meditation as an exercise. Sometimes, we need modifications to an exercise to

build strength and heal. That’s trauma-sensitive mindfulness. You wouldn’t ask someone

with a shoulder injury, for example, to do a bunch of push-ups.”

So in other words, when our sitting practices become too overwhelmed, we need to ask

ourselves: What is present here right now? What will be best to support my wellbeing in this

moment? Is this particular practice supportive or not supportive? Is mindful meditation the

right way to go?

In Treleaven’s workshop, he explained the concept of Window of Tolerance. In short, it is a

simple self-assessment, “check-in” system. For example, if you allow yourself to be still,

bringing awareness of what is present at the moment, simply give yourself a rating out of

10. With 1 feeling very low and lethargic and 10 being very unsettled and reactive. So let’s

say the Window of Tolerance is around 4 to 7, anything below (Hypo-arousal) or above

(Hyper-arousal), you may be feeling dysregulated.

“Think of trauma as injury and meditation as an exercise. Sometimes, we need modifications to an exercise to build strength and heal. That’s trauma-sensitive mindfulness. You wouldn’t ask someone with a shoulder injury, for example, to do a bunch of push-ups.” - David Treleaven

There is a saying, ”If you can't measure it, you can't manage it.” (Kaplan and Norton, 1996)

Thus, it is helpful to have a this baseline check in, because it gives ourselves a moment of

pause to assess and to consider what may be best action is for ourselves. For example, if I

am an 8 on the scale, I am hyper-aroused but perhaps, a short breathing space might just

allow me to take a pause and reset. If I am hypo-aroused, perhaps a movement exercise

might be more helpful.

Another handy exercise was from Professor Mark Williams. In his recent “Mindfulness

Frame by Frame” pilot series, he suggested a helpful way to bringing ourselves to the

present, particularly when sitting with difficulty. He talked about observing our Feeling

Tone. Or in Buddhist tradition, it is known as Vedanā. We all experience various feeling

tones at any moment of the day. It is generally refer to as a sensory information received

from external source via our internal sense organs, whether they are pleasant, unpleasant

or neutral. And often, how we relate to this sensory information has an effect on our

reactivity – thoughts, emotions and behaviours.

So the intention is to sit with the breath and pay attention particularly at the end of each

out breath, observe and register what our feeling tone is arising, whether it is pleasant or

unpleasant. This is not some rocket science because we all have this automatic feeling tone

within us. For instance, without thinking too much about it, the smell of cookies – pleasant

or unpleasant? The smell of a garbage truck – pleasant or unpleasant? The sound of

children’s laughter… so on and so forth.

Surprisingly, by simply focusing on the breath and noting our feeling tone, you will start to

notice the very subtle changes between one breath and the next. Especially as we do this

whilst sitting with challenging thoughts or emotions, you may find that there will be a

breath or two that is pleasant. Through this sense of pleasantness, no matter how brief,

there is a space, a sense of relief.

So when the tough gets going, to sit or not to sit? That’s the beauty with mindfulness: you

don’t have to be still to be mindful. Sometimes, being still may not be the best way forward

especially when you are stuck in a challenging place. Mindfulness is not magic either! It isn’t

some sort of exorcism that makes the negatives go away. I am still in the midst of my many

storms. But, knowing that I have the option to take necessary actions to make a wholesome

choice within my mindful practices is a refreshing revelation. Knowing that I can decide to

do what is best to support myself in this very moment. Whether simply to sit and breathe,

enjoying the cup of tea in the sun, or keep on moving is a good enough mindfulness

practice.